How to Avoid Parking Tickets (in Santa Monica)

posted in: Essay, Nyetoon, Recession Bear | 2

While reading Nyetoon, it may become obvious that it’s author is prone to long bouts of imaginative thinking. This has some advantages, but it also produces a flighty behavior that is not so good at remembering his mother’s birthday, stocking enough toilet paper, and especially, avoiding parking tickets. By watching his behavior, we might glean a few tips that will save us from the evil forces of the Santa Monica parking authority.

 Tip #1: Remember what Day it is.

Let’s join Nye on a typical Monday morning. It’s 7:58 am, and his day starts something like this:


See what happened here? Nye felt it unnecessary to remember what day it was. Simply by reminding yourself that it is Monday, you can avoid comments from the street cleaning guys as you dash to your car in your underwear.

Tip # 2: Keep Quarters in an Accesible Location.

It’s generally advisable to have a stash of quarters handy, as Santa Monica very often uses metered parking. Try putting quarters in the ashtray of your car, or perhaps in your glove compartment. Really, it doesn’t matter, as long as you don’t spend 20 minutes searching every nook and cranny of your car whenever you want to park at a meter.


Quarters are legal tender and can be found in many institutions, such as banks.

Tip #3: Read the signs carefully!

Santa Monica takes real pride in providing it’s residents with clearly articulated parking signs. Take a moment to read and fully digest the information.


Tip # 4 Pay on Time!

If you don’t pay your ticket within 30 days, there is a late fee. To compute this fee, a good rule of thumb is as follows:

Take the parking ticket amount = X

Then compute the remainder of money in your checking account = Y

Therefore: X  +  Y  =  H

H is the value of combined hatred that residents of Santa Monica have towards these assholes.


Don’t be like Nye!

Thanks for reading!




If you didn’t get the They Live reference, you must see this cinematic masterpiece as soon as possible:

Top 8 Reasons why They Live is Cinema’s Greatest Achievement.


And for more information about Santa Monica parking, visit their website. Tell them Nye sent ya!




2 Responses

  1. a
    | Reply

    I’d like to thank you for the efforts you’ve put in penning this blog.
    I am hoping to check out the same high-grade blog posts from you
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    • NyeGuy
      | Reply

      Thanks dude. Appreciate it.

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